Deep, if I do say so myself.
Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:23 PM , 1 comments
Labels: At The Helm , boring , day to day
Check this out.
But this makes me feel a bit different. I remember being 15. It sucked. Being a teenager is awful. You're constantly on edge, depressed, manic... and that's just because of hormones. I would have given anything to be as "cute" as that girl, I felt awkward and alone. My difference was that I had a small (very small), tight-knit group of friends who cared about me. We were *rebels*, we did what we wanted and didn't care what anyone thought of us. That helped me immensely, having my own personal backup squad if things got ugly. These people were real friends who would stand up for me in a fight.
I was bullied, mostly in elementary school for things like my teeth, my hair, my nose, my fatness. It was difficult. I don't know what clicked in me that suddenly changed my attitude toward everyone. When someone would tease me, I would "So what?". Immediately, that would shut them down and they gained a bit of respect for me. Maybe respect isn't the right word, but they knew I wouldn't cower or cry if they tried again. My mother had always told me, you can't change what you were given. So live with it. I started to build my confidence then and there. My attitude for everything was "So What?".
It saved me from what could have happened when I was young. It gave me license to not care what people thought about me, to indulge in activities that I enjoyed and that gave me pleasure. This included listening to "scary" music, reading "weird" books, being interested in "boring" hobbies and just generally labeling me as the Scary, weird, smart girl. And to this day, I see nothing wrong with that title. So what? I scared people. So What? I was weird. SO WHAT? I was smart. Those are not things to be ashamed of. And you know what it ultimately did for me? It drew in even more positive, True friends that I have to this day. Confidence attracts that, and I don't mind giving myself credit for changing the attitudes of more than one friend to match mine.
I feel terrible for this girl because she DIDN'T FEEL THAT. She was made to feel worthless enough to take her own life, to think that no one would care if she died and was gone forever. The despair she must have felt overwhelms me and I have no clue who she was.
Also it angers me. I can't really go on anymore or I will get quite ranty, but I wish I could shape the world's kids into healthy, confident, happy people who didn't let magazines and media tell them what to be.
The media and the rest of the world does not determine what is normal and right for you, YOU DO.
So I was checking out an archive of someone's tumblr and I stumbled across this post. Tumblr is a fabulous website, I love it. My one gripe? It's full of whiny, 15 year olds complaining about high school, their friends and how much their parents suck.
But this makes me feel a bit different. I remember being 15. It sucked. Being a teenager is awful. You're constantly on edge, depressed, manic... and that's just because of hormones. I would have given anything to be as "cute" as that girl, I felt awkward and alone. My difference was that I had a small (very small), tight-knit group of friends who cared about me. We were *rebels*, we did what we wanted and didn't care what anyone thought of us. That helped me immensely, having my own personal backup squad if things got ugly. These people were real friends who would stand up for me in a fight.
What helped me more was that even though my mother was distracted by her own hellish life, she protected me from feeling inadequate. She dieted, but she never criticized me for my looks or expanding waistline. She let me dress how I wanted, shop at thrift stores and wear stupid jewelry and dye my hair black. She just allowed me to be me... to succeed, and most of all... to fail. I did alot of failing.
It saved me from what could have happened when I was young. It gave me license to not care what people thought about me, to indulge in activities that I enjoyed and that gave me pleasure. This included listening to "scary" music, reading "weird" books, being interested in "boring" hobbies and just generally labeling me as the Scary, weird, smart girl. And to this day, I see nothing wrong with that title. So what? I scared people. So What? I was weird. SO WHAT? I was smart. Those are not things to be ashamed of. And you know what it ultimately did for me? It drew in even more positive, True friends that I have to this day. Confidence attracts that, and I don't mind giving myself credit for changing the attitudes of more than one friend to match mine.
I feel terrible for this girl because she DIDN'T FEEL THAT. She was made to feel worthless enough to take her own life, to think that no one would care if she died and was gone forever. The despair she must have felt overwhelms me and I have no clue who she was.
Also it angers me. I can't really go on anymore or I will get quite ranty, but I wish I could shape the world's kids into healthy, confident, happy people who didn't let magazines and media tell them what to be.
What happened then makes who we are now and you are truly awesome. I am jealous of your mother for having raised such an amazing person.