92 days sober.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 10:09 AM , 0 comments
Labels: day to day
Being pulled in many different directions is no fun.
My theme for the past couple of weeks has been confusion. I feel like I have a myraid of things I need to make decisions about, but on the other hand I feel like I should also let them be. Coming to the conclusion of what is NORMAL for me is far off I believe. Letting the definitions of others influence that too heavily is my main issue right now.
I definitely find myself standing at a crossroads where either option is a good one to take. Taking responsibility for choosing the path is my problem. It is just so much easier to let someone make the decision for me. Or to at least narrow my options. That is my usual course of action.... "Give me two options and I'll pick one".
Maybe I am just a flighty person? Accepting black and white is not me. Everything is grey.
I am about to embark on a little weekend adventure to Portland for my birthday. Originally this was to be Vancouver, Canada but plans have changed. Changing these plans has put me in a difficult place. I am stuck between a terrific friend and my significant other. I am choosing the S.O. because it feels right to me. I want to spend time with him to at least be able to tell myself I gave it a chance. How can I complain about us if I don't try new things out? And basically because what I say goes, it was an easy trip to plan. We are taking the train south, and then staying in the City of Roses. I am hoping to see some neat things and really enjoy being out of my normal element. I expect to take lots of photos, but am disappointed that I am not a better photographer. I really do suck.
Birthday dinner is definitely a stop for us, as is the Rose Garden... but everything else is a bit up in the air.
At home I am trying to do a bit of nesting. I have been clearing out much old rubbish I have been holding onto. Brian and I have also received some nice "new" pieces of furniture which is making our apartment feel much more like home. Is it the weather making me do this? I know this year I am determined to put up my Christmas tree and host Thanksgiving. What is this new domesticity that is hitting me all the sudden? Maybe I am grasping at straws and trying to create something I don't even really want. Again, I am confused and unsure of myself.
My theme for the past couple of weeks has been confusion. I feel like I have a myraid of things I need to make decisions about, but on the other hand I feel like I should also let them be. Coming to the conclusion of what is NORMAL for me is far off I believe. Letting the definitions of others influence that too heavily is my main issue right now.
I definitely find myself standing at a crossroads where either option is a good one to take. Taking responsibility for choosing the path is my problem. It is just so much easier to let someone make the decision for me. Or to at least narrow my options. That is my usual course of action.... "Give me two options and I'll pick one".
Maybe I am just a flighty person? Accepting black and white is not me. Everything is grey.
I am about to embark on a little weekend adventure to Portland for my birthday. Originally this was to be Vancouver, Canada but plans have changed. Changing these plans has put me in a difficult place. I am stuck between a terrific friend and my significant other. I am choosing the S.O. because it feels right to me. I want to spend time with him to at least be able to tell myself I gave it a chance. How can I complain about us if I don't try new things out? And basically because what I say goes, it was an easy trip to plan. We are taking the train south, and then staying in the City of Roses. I am hoping to see some neat things and really enjoy being out of my normal element. I expect to take lots of photos, but am disappointed that I am not a better photographer. I really do suck.
Birthday dinner is definitely a stop for us, as is the Rose Garden... but everything else is a bit up in the air.
At home I am trying to do a bit of nesting. I have been clearing out much old rubbish I have been holding onto. Brian and I have also received some nice "new" pieces of furniture which is making our apartment feel much more like home. Is it the weather making me do this? I know this year I am determined to put up my Christmas tree and host Thanksgiving. What is this new domesticity that is hitting me all the sudden? Maybe I am grasping at straws and trying to create something I don't even really want. Again, I am confused and unsure of myself.
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